My wife wants to drug me, and I may let her. She has been complaining about my cancer insomnia since all of this began. At first I didn't think it was a big deal. Sure I would only get four hours of sleep, but I was operating just fine on four hours. But back then, how much sleep did I need when I was unemployed, wasn't allowed to lift over ten pounds, and pretty much ordered to sit around all day by the doctor. Now as far as my surgery goes, I am supposed to slowly be trying to regain my strength. And I need plenty of rest to recover from chemo as well. One of my cancer supporters told me that I probably wouldn't have any trouble sleeping once the chemo kicked it. In one way she was right. If I am anywhere but in bed, I can fall asleep at the drop of the hat, which can be a problem in the bathroom. Yesterday for instance, I was constantly falling asleep on the couch. However, around 9PM, the sleepiness left, and stayed gone! At around 4am, I finally forced myself to go to bed, even though I wasn't tired, and laid there for at least another half an hour wide awake. At 9:30am, I woke up wide awake again and even though I laid in bed, I couldn't fall back asleep. There was a basenji that was glad of that fact, because if I am awake in bed, then I can rub her ears. Finally, after an hour of laying in bed wide awake, and carpal tunnel from all the basenji petting, I get up. And I stayed wide awake for two hours, then fell asleep on the couch again.
My wife keeps bringing up the idea of sleeping pills when we are around the oncologist, the nurse, pharmacist, vet, sandwich artist, or anyone else that will listen. I have been against them, because I keep having visions of Elvis. No, I don't think that I am going to overdose on prescription pills and die on the toilet, I am afraid I will get fat, wear hideous jumpsuits, make cheesy movies, and turn into a glorified Vegas lounge singer. The oncologist's nurse jumped on my wife's side (of course she would, it's women conspiring against me) and suggested a few things up to and including over the counter sleep aids, before I hit the prescription stuff. I don't know what to do. I just know I am feeling really tired and I wish I could get one really good night's sleep.
I have big plans for my birthday. I plan to run/jog a five kilometer fun run, even though the only running I have done since my surgery was into the hospital a week ago, and if it weren't for the adrenaline, I wouldn't have been able to do that. I would like to do a thirty mile bike ride, even though the thought of hopping on a bicycle seat after my surgery makes my sole remaining testicle want to hide. And the most physically demanding thing, I plan on going to Walt Disney World on my birthday. And I am NOT going to be one of those jerks who gets a doctor's note to rent a wheelchair once they get there just to cut in line on all of the rides. It's pretty obvious what is going on when you see them leap out of that wheelchair everytime the ice cream cart rolls by. My contention is that if you really need a wheelchair, you will bring the one you always use. But anyway, the point is, I plan on walking around Disney on my own power.
So between needing to up my physical activity and not being able to look at the inside of this house anymore, my wife and I did a little Christmas shopping today. After about fifteen minutes, I was exhausted. Part of that was because after fifteen minutes, I had looked at all of the stuff I wanted to see, then I just had to follow my wife around for the rest of the time pouting. Anyone that has been shopping with my wife knows exactly what I am talking about. I wouldn't have minded so much if she was shopping for an American made Paul Reed Smith with twenty four frets and double cutaways, but I found a used one at the first place we went and pointed out that it was a bargain at $1600. She acted like she didn't care at all! To me, we were done shopping with that find, but we left the store (without the guitar) and bought stuff for other people! I made my best but-I-am-a-cancer-patient face, but it had no effect on her. Probably because that look is permanently on my face ever since the chemo kicked in. I think she has grown an immunity to it.
We went to Cracker Barrel after that and then to the grocery store, and I will admit, I am dead tired. But for some reason, I am not sleepy tired. I wish I could explain it better because if I could, maybe I could find something that would help me. So, if I can't sleep tonight, I may break down and get one of the over the counter sleep aids. Until then, I will just search the internet until I find an article saying that playing American PRS guitars helps you sleep well, and practice making an even more pitiful cancer patient face.
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