And so it begins... We got up this morning and I was all prepared for chemo, because being prepared is kind of my thing. And after going down the driveway and coming back twice, I was really prepared for chemo. We get there and my pulse and blood pressure aren't too high considering how nervous I felt inside. They stick me for a final blood count and I am cleared to begin chemo. That's when the inevitable cancer-hurry-up-and-wait game starts.
I guess so many people do multiple rounds of chemo, that they just assume everyone is a repeat customer. I sign in at the first desk, get my room number, and am told to head on back. The nurse, my wife, and I all just pause in an awkward silence until we ask where "on back" is. The nurse, a little embarrassed, realizes we are chemo novices. She walks us back to the area and tells us to sign in when we get to our room number. Another nurse walks up and tells me I can go ahead and set up. In another awkward silence pause (which my wife and I are getting pretty good at by now) this nurse also realizes we are newbies and helps me pick out a recliner. The rooms are sorted by medical needs. The more serious people are in one room and people like me that aren't doing too bad physically get this room. Everyone in the room is really nice and several of them greet us. One couple even swaps around recliners so my wife can sit next to me. I tilt back the recliner, but I am still nervous as hell, uncontrollably clicking my feet together like I want to be taken back to Kansas. Another waiting game. Finally they come get my IV started. She says it's a "small" needle, and it is small in diameter, but the needle and all of the apparatuses protruding from it were about the same length as a Ford Fiesta (I would still rather be seen with the needle that in a Fiesta though). She slides the needle in from the back of my hand to about my elbow, and starts the IV. I think that we are ready to start now. Wrong. Hurry up and wait. Again. She wants to double check all of the orders with the oncologist. I guess I am fine with waiting if it is to make sure I get the right thing. She comes out with some needles, now we are ready to go! Nope. That's just the drugs to make the chemo go easier. She says they are just for my stomach, I don't need anything for nerves, because I am doing just fine. Damn, I must be a better actor than I thought, because I am definitely NOT fine! Doesn't she see my feet bouncing like I am on crank and trying to tap out S.O.S. in Morse code over and over again? I guess I should take a little comfort in the fact that it looks like I am calm. In what seems like several days later, the nurse comes out with the cocktail mixed especially for me. We hang it up and I am on my way to chemoland.
Feeling nervous about side effects, I am expecting to feel flames shooting up my veins with rapid discoloration in my arms causing a purple and blue paisley pattern that would make Prince jealous, but nothing. Nothing really. I brought about three suitcases worth of things to do while I was there, so of course I decide to sleep. But my wife is still by my side, if she is making the effort to stay by my side every step of the way, I am not going to go to sleep on her. Finally, the nurse and I both assure her that I am not going to "shotgun" my latest IV bag and that it will be a while, she can run the errand that she needs to run. She leaves. I curl up in my blanky that one of the nurses gave me. Maybe she thought my horizontal tap dancing was because I was cold. It wasn't, but I was cold too, so I snuggled up and reclined all the way back, closed my eyes, and drifted....NOPE wide awake. Not matter how tired and comfortable I am, I can't sleep. I brought tons of things that cause me to think, and I can't focus on any of them. While chained to this chair and pole holding a variety of bags with tubes shoot inside of me, I also planned on using my time to e-mail back some of the people that I have been meaning to talk to. As many of you know, that obviously didn't happen either. In desperation, I get my phone out and start to read the entertainment news. Obviously, it doesn't take a whole lot of brain power to read entertainment news. It's always about a couple divorcing, or a rapper getting arrested again, or a sports figure doing something stupid, all you have to do is change the names, and really, does it matter? As I start to loose myself in items that can hardly be classified as "news", I am told that bending my wrist is putting pressure on the needle that goes from my fingers to my shoulder, so I should probably not do that.
The music in there could be described as light classic rock. Comfortable, but not annoying or too sappy. Boston, "Lido Shuffle", "Domino", decent music, but all light rock. Nothing heavy, no country, no R & B. And that's when something happened, which was the only time I got emotional in there. One song I maintain that it is impossible to stay depressed when you listen to it came on the radio, Earth, Wind, and Fire's September. "...on and on, never was a cloudy day..." The horns kick in, I lose myself in the music as I always do when I hear that song. I smile and it dawns on me, this is not "light classic rock" this is totally different from anything they have played the previous two hours. It was like God Himself thought I needed that song right now and sneaked into the playlist. It had me pretty emotional, I needed some Earth, Wind, and Fire right then. A little skeptical, I thought maybe they changed music stations. Nope, every other song was back to light classic rock. That made me a little more emotional. Maybe it's my imagination, but I am going to take it as a sign and enjoy it.
My wife comes in right after that, and my bag is almost done. I finish my bag and give the nurse one of those stares where you are sure if you stare hard enough that the other person will feel your stare and look up at you. It worked! She says "You done?", and comes over and unplugs all of my tubes, hoses, duct work, and slides the katana out of my arm. Not bad at all. My arm did have a cold feeling in the vein towards the end, but I assumed that was just from the three feet of cold steel that they slid in there (but it was a small diameter needle, so I shouldn't mind right?). We jump into the car and rush to see a bunch of people I used to work with for a retirement party for someone who retired a long time ago. As what generally happens when we all get together the jokes start flying, most of them off color, and I take out my removed "testicle" and slap it on the table in the restaurant (in reality it is a tiny gummy brain we found in the Halloween candy section and trimmed to look like a wayward ball). Every time I have whipped that out on someone, there is a brief pause as to whether I really just did that or not. Most people realize that it is probably not what it looks like, but there is always that chance that it is.
I had a blast. One guy that has known me for about eight years now said, "I know you and you are like me. If you had any strength at all you were going to drag your butt here." He was right. It was good seeing everyone. We say our goodbyes, and we head home. I grab some lunch on the way and eat it on the couch. I feel pretty good, so I eat a couple of snacks too. Belly full, I doze off on the couch thinking this will be alright after all. Two hours later, I wake up with my stomach feeling like there are a bunch of kids in there treating it like a "Moon Bounce" and they didn't even take off their shoes before they got in! I ran upstairs to get rid of some of the gallon and a half of liquids I have been drinking today (no exaggeration) and scrub up to put a chemo pill in my mouth. It works pretty fast. I feel good right now, except for the taste of metal anytime I take a deep breath and feeling like I haven't slept in two months. I don't know if that is from the chemo or the fact that I haven't slept in two months. So, that is why I am writing my blog early tonight. I think I will take another pill soon and go to bed. Hopefully my stomach will let me stay there all night. If not, maybe I will get up and finally e-mail back everyone I have been meaning to e-mail back.
No comments:
Post a Comment