It's official! I am scared, anxious, excited, and every other emotion about tomorrow's chemo appointment. For those not familiar with chemo treatment, just about every malady known to man (as well as most animals and a few plants) is considered a "normal side effect" on chemo. AND every malady known to man, plants, and animals is also an "abnormal side effect" that you should immediately call the hospital about. So while I am excited to get this big chapter of my fight behind me, I will constantly be worrying about if I have the abnormal side effect or the normal one. Fever of 100.5', normal! Fever of 100.6', CALL THE HOSPITAL! I wish I was making this up. If I do creep up to 100' in a completely "normal" way, I will obviously start wondering how accurate my cheap little CVS thermometer is. And since I am normally 97.6'-98', does that mean I have to knock a degree or half a degree off the "Call The Hospital" temperature too? This is the crap I am fretting about before I have even entered the oncologist's office! Going to the bathroom too much? Normal. Really going to the bathroom too much? Abnormal! But it is not that cut and dry (pun not intended), because not going to the bathroom that often? Normal or abnormal! Going to the bathroom all the time? Abnormal or possibly normal! Of course, my mind is worrying that if I go to the bathroom like a normal person, is that abnormal for chemo treatment? Or maybe I have the really bad not-going-to-the-bathroom symptoms, compounded with the really bad going-too-much symptoms. How do you know? Go ahead, think of something, anything, I am sure it is a perfectly normal symptom, that is also abnormal as well. It doesn't help that as part of my pre-chemo "Honey Do" list, I spent four hours kicking up so much dust, pollen, and dry leaves that now when I blow my nose little sand castles come out. What does it mean when I start chemo with red eyes, a sore throat, and splitting headache? With the chemo side effects, should all those symptoms stay the same, or do I call the hospital if they disappear? On top of that, I am supposed to stop caffeine, which will also give me a splitting headache, how do I know how much headache is allergies and caffeine withdrawal and how much is urgent get-to-the-emergency-room headache.
And then there is the stuff I have to do. I have to drink gallons of every beverage that doesn't have caffeine in it (which will also surely make me go to the bathroom more, but will it make me go too much?). I can't touch my hands to my face under any circumstances. I think I will just have to wear mittens all of the time and use chopsticks to pick up a fork when it's time to eat. And most importantly, no matter what I touch, whether it be something dirty, something clean, food, myself, soap, anything, I am supposed to immediately sanitize my hands, wash my hands, sanitize again, then walk around the rest of the day holding them up in the air like the doctors on M*A*S*H. And finally, I am supposed to get plenty of rest. This part I am actually looking forward to. They say I will actually be able to rest while on chemo. Which leads me to my last conundrum.
The actual injection of the chemo is just as straight forward as the side effects. Everything is normal and abnormal at the same time. I have books, my phone, video games, snacks, beverages, everything that I may want to do for an hour and a half to two hours. But, the side effect I am most hoping for is sleeping. I have been told some people just get really tired during chemo injections and sleep right through it. I think that would be something I can handle, especially after four weeks of insomnia. So, with twelve hours to go, I only need to finish gathering up my stuff, and pray that I only have normal abnormalities for the next three to four weeks. I thank everyone that has sent "Good Luck" messages today. And tomorrow I will update you on which ailments I have won in the side effect lottery.
Cranky Broom Handle
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