I am told from many cancer survivors that the good thing is, my insomnia will soon be over. YAY! Because chemo will kick my butt and leave me a nauseous, quivering, extremely tired pile of goo. Boo! Which leads me to the "catch". Before chemo, most cancer patients are having trouble sleeping. Part of my late night thoughts are the "what ifs", "what's nexts", and "where are my results", but the other part is worrying about being a nauseous, quivering, extremely tired pile of goo. Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to sleeping for more than three hours in one night, it's the quivering pile of nauseous goo stuff that I am not all that excited about. And because of the butt kicking chemo gives, you are warned by cancer survivors, oncologists, and a wife that's tired of being woken up every three hours, that it is imperative that you be well rested before chemo. Ah yes, another one of life's cruel jokes! Here is the thing that will help you sleep well, but you don't get it unless you sleep well before you get it. This is where you have to believe in Heaven and hell. Because with crap like this, it is pretty obvious that there is a devil and not only did he invent cancer, but he invented the sadistic side of cancer treatment as well. Thankfully, there is a God that has helped me a lot through all of this, and worked a miracle or two along the way (which is the elusive forthcoming blog I keep teasing you with).
Have you ever been nervous or anxious about something, and someone tells you how easy it will be so many times that you have trouble doing it? "C'mon, it's easy. Anyone can do it." Well, that describes my wife and I right now. She has been a great support to me (even if she won't buy me that PRS guitar) and is extremely concerned about me following all the doctor's orders. Up to and including, ordering me to bed. Now we all can remember when we were little kids, being forced to go to bed early on Christmas night and thinking "If I go to sleep right NOW, the next thing I know it will be time to open presents." And we all remember what happened. Mom or dad spent the next few hours coming in telling you that you better fall asleep soon, and you still remain wide awake. That is pretty much the same thing that happens, when my wife orders me to get some rest because I need it. I know I need it. And I wish I could sleep. But I just lay there, the thoughts running through my mind, except now I sit there and count down how many hours until I start chemo and how I need to squeeze about three weeks worth of sleep into the next fifty seven and a half hours. Maybe if I was going to get a present after chemo, you know to make if feel like Christmas, I would have better luck falling asleep.
Dear Santa, all I want for Chemo-Christmas is an American made Paul Reed Smith, with double cutaway and twenty-four frets. If you bring it to me I will go to sleep right, NOW. Right NOW. I mean NOW. OK, I promise to go to sleep soon, and be a very good cancer-free boy.
So here I sit with my midnight curfew that my wife has assigned me approaching fast. Because I have spent all day doing my pre-chemo "Honey Do" list, I am dead tired. But since I just finished about an hour ago, my body feels like it hasn't calmed down yet. So, I guess to make her happy, I will head upstairs and lie in bed thinking about how important it is that I fall asleep right NOW. And if I can't sleep, I will again count how many hours I have until chemo, and how many of those should be dedicated to sleep, and if that doesn't work I guess I can pick up my cellphone, go to the PRS Guitars website and dream that way.
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