Four days after starting chemo, and I think my head is finally clearing out. I haven't taken the meds that made me so loopy for nearly two days now, and there is just a hint of a fog, but who knows that could just be my normal fog.
Eating is still the biggest challenge. What's weird is nothing sounds good, until I finally decide on something, then once I start eating I am absolutely ravenous. Now as I said before, chemo makes you hypersensitive to smells, and up until today, I had been fortunate enough to have had all my meals cooked for me, while I was far away from the cooking. Today I had to cook for myself. I know, that is abuse and under no circumstances should I have to cook my own meal, but my wife said she had to go to "work" so we would have "money" and I would have to "take care of myself". It has been a dark day, but I think I'll make it through. So the problem with chemo patients cooking for themselves, is there are a lot of things that don't smell near as good cooking as they do once they are done. That was my challenge today. Get out the ingredients, cook them, and prepare them while not smelling them at all, because if I did, I would no longer want what I was preparing. I imagine it was quite a humorous dance to watch, holding a spatula at arm's length while trying to keep my nose below the level of the food so the aromas don't drift in, but still keeping my eyes on what I was doing. I don't know if the basenjis were amused by this spectacle or just that sure that I was bound to spill something cooking in such an odd way. Unfortunately for them, I didn't spill a thing (by bachelor standards, because if you come back and it isn't there anymore I don't think it can be counted as a "spill"). But fortunately for the starving basenjis, I made my normal size serving and my shrinking appetite didn't want that much. They reaped the rewards, then went right back to pretending they like the sun more than me.
As for the other inevitable side effects, I have only experienced half of the diarrhea/constipation duo that chemo usually brings. As I said yesterday, I am still having "der Puupen und Schpladder" but none of the back ups. And as a patient with pre-existing gastro-intestinal issues, "der Puupen und Schpladder" isn't necessarily a chemo side effect, it could just be a normal Tuesday. And as side effects go, I would much rather have that one if I am going to be homebound anyway. Stop and think, when you are driving, which irritates you more, the roads wide open and you get home faster than you expected, or miles and miles of congested traffic, where you just sit with no movement at all? I rest my case.
The only other thing I am combating right now is boredom. Since chemo's poison attacks your immune system, you are supposed to stay away from things with lots of germs, like large groups, working outside or on a car, kids...so that limits what I can do while I wait for my white blood cells to bottom out and come back up again. I have kind of surfed myself out on the internet the past couple of months. I know what you are thinking, "But Tom, have you tried internet porn? You will never see all the porn!" But I think even internet porn has too many germs for chemo patients. I did break down and do some Wii Fit today. I really didn't feel like exercising, I just can tell my weight is dropping and I want to mess with that smug little Wii Fit board. Let it figure out how I am losing a pound a day when all I do is sit on the couch and do the Ski Jump for two minutes. My goal is the make the little Wii Fit board icon explode as I keep losing weight and doing nothing. That'll teach it to call me obese! By that damn board's calculation, Jaws could take out the entire right side of my body, and I still wouldn't be at my ideal weight.
So here I sit, trying to think of what sounds good to eat that will also smell good as well. And I am also trying to think of something to do. I have plenty of books, but you get tired or reading after a while. I would play my American made Paul Reed Smith with double cutaways and twenty four frets, but no one has given me one yet. I know, I don't have an American PRS and I had to make my own meal today!?!? And I won't even talk about having to do my own laundry...
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