Tuesday, March 20, 2012

(Creating) Life after Testicular Cancer.

I know I was supposed to write this last week, but by then end of today's post you will understand why I am not always able to post when I want.  As I have mentioned in the past, I was laid off from work exactly two weeks when I was diagnosed with testicular cancer.  Two life changing events that came back to back. What only my very closest friends know what there was actually a third event that happened right after that.

We had been wanting to start a family for a while, and were actively trying for around a year.  A few days before I started chemo we found out that we were pregnant.  It seemed like the typical feel good story, boy loses job, boy loses ball, but before he lost that nut boy and girl get pregnant.  There was a whirlwind of emotions, it was something we desperately wanted, but the timing couldn't be worse.  Chemo works by being a very nasty drug that is easily absorbed by anything that grows quickly in the human body, like cancer cells, hair, taste buds, and unfortunately babies.  Because of this the first week I had to take tons of precautions around my wife making sure that she did not come into any contact with anything that may have the chemo in it.  Even using the bathroom involved closing the lid, covering the lid with a heavy towel, and flushing the toilet twice.  I never realized how long it takes a toilet to flush until I had to stand, weakened from chemo, waiting for it to finish flushing twice so I could remove the towel and go back to my normal routine.

After we went through all of this trouble, we lost the baby.  It was very early in the pregnancy, and to say we were stressed during this time would be an understatement.  What we found out after this was the staggering percentage of first time pregnancies that end in miscarriage, however that didn't make us feel any better.  It was a third blow to us in less than two months.  It was the ray of hope we had been focused on through chemo.  Of course many things ran through my mind, like was it my fault for missing a chemo precaution and maybe I should have postponed my treatment.

The next few weeks were a mass of confusing information.  Some people say to try again right away, others say wait.  Some doctors say don't try so soon after chemo, others say it is fine the swimmers either die from the chemo or are not affected.  My urologist said to just give up for at least six months, but my oncologist urged us to see a fertility specialist because we "needed something good in our lives".  And he was right.

The first thing a fertility specialist tries to determine is which partner is causing the trouble.  This makes tons of sense, I mean treat the person with the problem(s), right?  So, my poor wife goes through a series of tests that look like the set of a alien abduction movie.  I still have nightmares about some other the stainless steel contraptions I saw.  I also had to go through a series of grueling tests that involved me going into a room, and being provided with dirty magazines, dirty movies, and a cup.  It was horrible for me, mainly because I had already read all of the magazines when we "banked" some samples before my surgery.

So after my wife goes through her series of probings and shots, and I watch a few movies, we find out that...surprise surprise the problem looks like it is with the guy with the testicular cancer and chemo.  Who would've guessed?  The doc was very supportive and said with very little intervention, we could use my frozen stuff and probably be successful.  No nasty chemicals, no danger of having "Plus 8" after our names or being chased by reality TV producers, for the most part things are pretty normal...except one.

This technique required me to give my wife a shot in her gluteus maximus the night before the procedure. Our doctor was very supportive and involved so they even drew and "X" on the targeted butt cheek to show the exact spot that the injection needs to be placed.  Well, the first round didn't work, so when went for the second try the next month, I asked the nurse if instead of an "X" if she could draw a happy face so I could "jab it between the eyes with the needle".  See, these are the kinds of suggestions that would normally get you thrown out of your wife's doctor's appointments, but in our case the nurse drew the happy face.  This seems all very funny at the doctor's office, but it results in uncontrolled giggling when you are sitting there with a giant needle getting reading to lance a happy face on your wife's posterior.  For some reason, my bent over wife did not see the humor in the situation which only resulted in even more uncontrolled giggling from me.  Luckily, we did not have to try it a third time because my wife said she was working on a few ideas of what she was going to have the nurse write on her butt to greet me the next round.

So, I will leave on this cliffhanger, did we get pregnant, did we have a baby, is the baby keeping me from blogging as regularly as I would like?  I think you know the answer, but I will talk about it more tomorrow.

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