Which Is More Tiring, Chemo or the Shake Weight?

CHEMO IS KICKING MY BUTT!!!  I was doing great yesterday.  In fact, long about our third hour at the hospital yesterday, even though the nurse wasn't there for me, she did mention that she used to work with chemo patients.  Since we had plenty of time to just sit around waiting, I decided to pick her brain.  I told her how great I had been feeling physically and asking if it was normal.  The nurse said some people aren't affected by chemo much, some feel affects gradually, and some it comes on all of a sudden.  She also said how important it was to stay away from sick people.  She says this as we are in our third hour in a hospital.  I don't know if you are aware, but there are four places sick people like to go, hospitals, elementary schools, anywhere with a buffet, and cruise ships (I imagine the sick people go to the cruise ships because of the buffets).  The only saving grace was for about an hour and a half of our hospital stay, we were in a room by ourselves.

Fast forward twelve hours and I am waking up dying of thirst again, except this time things are a little different.  It feels like I gargled with sand in my sleep.  Now, ever since my diagnosis I have been having some strange dreams.  The other night I had a dream that I had lost all my hair that was so vivid I woke up and touched my head and looked at the pillow because I was so sure that it really happened.  However, I don't think that I have taken up sleep gargling, especially with sand.  I guess there is a possibility since basenjis are African dogs and both of ours are originally from Florida, there is a chance that sleeping in various yoga positions between these two downward-facing dogs that some residual sand fell into my throat.  I would hope that we are bathing them a little better than that.  I have the increasing thirst (up to about a gallon and three quarts a day at this point), I have the scratchy throat, and then half way through the day, I feel like I just finished a marathon.  Well at least I assume it feels like after you run a marathon, except without the feeling that I have accomplished something.

And speaking of not accomplishing anything, that is exactly what is driving me crazy at this point.  We are getting to the point in my chemo treatment where by blood count is bottoming out, so I am pretty much grounded at this point, and unlike being grounded in high school I didn't get to do anything fun and stupid to warrant it.  Sitting around the house is definitely giving me cabin fever.  I sort of hurt myself on the elliptical machine yesterday, and running from the car into the hospital yesterday to check on my wife shook some things that haven't been shaken for a while and I am feeling it today.  OK, now when I say running, keep in mind I am a little more than a month out from my surgery, so what felt like a run to me, was probably like that horrible race-walking thing that was popular for about ten minutes in the nineties before everyone realized how ridiculous it looks to run like you are trying to get to the restroom after eating spoiled Mexican food leftovers.  Since I can't seem to concentrate enough right now to read anything, I have been watching hours on end of daytime television and today I caved in...I bought something I saw that was sold on TV.  I bought a Shake Weight.

We have a decent collection of exercise equipment here at the house.  We have a weight machine, lots of free weights, an elliptical machine, exercise bikes, an ab machine, and a rower.  The rower, ab machine, and weights all put too much stress on my still healing incision from my nutectomy.  The elliptical machine ended up hurting that area as well, but not too seriously.  And obviously, with the trauma that has befallen my crotchal area, I am more than just a little afraid to hop on anything with a bicycle seat right now.  So, outside of the Wii, I haven't been getting any exercise at all.  The Shake Weight looked so cheesy and lame, it didn't seem like there was any possible way it could actually hurt anything, and maybe I would feel like I did something.  Let me just set two things straight, I bought the MEN'S Shake Weight and I don't for a second think that this thing is going to make me look anything like the guys in the commercial or on the box.  But it will have me doing something except walking to the next room for new water bottles all day.  So as we run an errand today, I did it.  I walked over to where they were and I picked one up, and felt immediately embarrassed.  I look like crap.  Because of the surgery, I am still walking around in public in pants with elastic waistbands.  What if people think that I actually believe the commercials?!?!  Of course we were in a large mega-store and these things were in the back.  I have to walk all the way to the front, which felt like an approximately seven mile walk, while trying to conceal the identity of what I am carrying.  I would have felt more comfortable carrying tampons, condoms, a Playgirl magazine, and Preparation H.  I had to resist the urge to tell the cashier I was buying it for a "friend" or as a gag gift.  But it's home now and I have been using it.  I don't know if it is doing any good or not, but at least I feel like it is doing something.  Who knows, with the weight I am losing from chemo, and all the time I will be spending in front of the TV doing nothing but Shake Weighting, maybe I will end up looking like the guy in the commercials.  No, not the Shake Weight commercial, the Subway commercials, except I hope I resemble the after photos more than the before.

So here I sit, feeling like crap, shaking overpriced crap, and watching crap on TV.  I just am counting the days (3) until I bottom out on my blood count, because I know after that it is all about getting better and feeling better.  It's good to know the end is in sight.  And I am taking comfort that I am not the dumbest person in the world.  The dumbest person in the world would be whoever the "Warning" sticker on the Shake Weight was printed for.  "Keep Shake Weight at least 6 inches away from your face while exercising."  They wouldn't have to put that on there unless at least one person hadn't already Shake Weighted their jaw.  Personally I say leave the sticker off and let's get some natural selection happening here.  At least that's what I say now, I may change my tune after I Shake Weight myself a black eye.  Right now I think I will hop off of here, do a few more "reps", drink some more, and collapse into bed.  Maybe I will take my Shake Weight with me...