One of the first rules of joining the Wellness Community is that you are not supposed to mention what happened in the group outside the group. And I don't plan on breaking that rule today, just bending it a little. I am bending that rule, because Ann frequently talked about her experiences in her own blog and Ann's attitude helped me through my own cancer fight.
When you first join the Wellness Community, you go to an information meeting that tells you what to expect and what it's all about. There was only one other couple at our meeting and that was Ann and Al Maree. To look at the two of them, you couldn't guess which one was sick. Through some introductions, we learned Ann was the one in the battle with cancer. I am sure they told us more that night, but to be honest I didn't know what was going on in my own life at that time, much less those around me.
When I walked into my first regular group meeting, there sat Ann Maree. We went around the room introducing ourselves, our cancers, and our treatments. I heard this vibrant, energetic, and non-cancer looking person state that she has been battling Stage IV Breast Cancer for years. WHAT?!?! She didn't even look like she had a cold! This may sound odd, but that made me feel really good. No not that she had cancer, but that one can fight such a hard fight and not only survive, but live well while surviving. Suddenly I no longer felt like cancer was this dark tunnel I was struggling to walk through hoping to some day see the light at the end. Ann helped show me that cancer may be part of one's identity, but it doesn't have to be one's only identity.
Ann was fond of saying, "I have cancer, but cancer doesn't have me." She lived that motto to the end. It was her attitude that helped me to push myself when I felt I wasn't ready to be a normal person yet. Most of that pushing resulted in me hurting myself, but that is beside the point. Ann participated in more LiveStrong events than I probably ever will. Ann actually got out and rode her bike as many times as I look over at my dusty bike and think that I should probably get my fat butt on it.
Although I knew Ann was very sick (even though she never seemed to show it) and I knew she was getting sicker, I never thought this day would come. I hate to admit it, but I had slacked on reading her blog daily because once again, she seemed to be beating the odds and getting better. But then Saturday I got the news that she had passed through the network of current and former Wellness Community members. I was expecting an e-mail at anytime for Ann quoting Mark Twain "The report of my death was an exaggeration." All hope was lost when I saw that her husband Al was the one reporting Ann's passing.
I thank God that I met Ann (and Al). When I was thinking all cancer patients were gray, bald, anorexic-looking, hunched over, zombie-like things (and that I was about to become one), Ann showed me that people with a much harder fight than I can look...well...normal. And when I thought cancer would ruin my life, Ann showed me cancer only has as much control over you life as you let it. Hearing Ann's struggles and seeing her fight with such dignity and poise, I knew that with a little Faith I could make it through my much smaller battle.
This week there will be a "Celebration of Life" for Ann, which I am certain Ann gave Al detailed instructions on how it should be carried out. I believe in God and I believe in Heaven, and I certainly believe that no matter how nice life is on Earth, afterlife in Heaven is better, but still it is hard to see someone taken too soon go away. I don't like funerals, because often they don't focus on the gift of getting to know and experience the person in life, they seem to focus on missing them after they have passed on. Ann and Al obviously feel the same way and want to have that celebration of life, not a mourning of death. That being said, I haven't decided yet if I am going this week or not. I would love to go to the event and share what an inspiration both Al and Ann have been for me the past year, but I know ultimately there will be tears and sorrow as well. Conversely, when I last saw Ann (although she was getting sicker) she looked as vibrant and was defiant as ever and I kinda want to seal that as my last memory of her. Regardless of whether I go or not, I am sincerely thankful to God that I got to meet both Ann and Al, and I am a very sad that I will not see Ann again. My heart goes out to Al as he continues Ann's Journey without her.
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