Even before all of this cancer crap, my wife had been urging me to eat better. Although that was kinda thrown out the window during chemo, when I was supposed to just eat anything (or in my case everything), now she is coming down on me hard about finding better food to eat...and then she beats me. OK, I am joking about one of those things.
In some instances, I have been working towards a healthier lifestyle. I have greatly increased my water intake, until I had the recent bout of hurting myself. I haven't been drinking as much water since I hurt myself Saturday because more water equals more peeing, which means more walking to the bathroom, which means more hurting. I would continue to drink lots of water, but my wife hid the little porta-john thingy they gave us at the hospital after my surgery. Many people have said I should cut back on my Pepsi intake, however I don't agree with them, and neither do Pepsi's stockholders. But I have been cutting back. As I mentioned, I have been drinking more water, and instead of Pepsi, I try to drink healthier stuff like root beer and Big Red. I am assuming the Red in Big Red comes from some healthy fruit. And I think Pepsi should count as a vegetable serving anyway, because it says "corn" right there on the label, and corn is a vegetable.
Which leads me to the servings count. One thing I have been doing since chemo is drinking a very large glass of orange juice first thing every morning. And a serving the size I drink in the morning counts as two fruit servings. To keep from messing with my stomach I only drink the "Low Acid" orange juice. I also make sure it is the "No Pulp" version from Tropicana. It has to be from Tropicana, because it is made in Bradenton, Florida, which means a few times a year when I am down there, I can drive by there and give them the "stink-eye" to make sure they are doing everything correctly. So far, it's working. And Tropicana is owned by Pepsi, and we all know that they only make quality products. I am also eating at least one banana a day, so we are up to three servings of fruit.
Now is where the serving sizes get a little sketchy. I have been snacking on carrot slices, which come in a giant bag. It says there are only five servings in that bag, which I find hard to believe. If I ate carrots in those quantities I would get so orange I would be mistaken for a Jersey Shore cast member (provided I was also a alcoholic whore). Despite what it says on the bag, I am counting it as a serving. Then there are olives. I can't find out whether those are counted as a serving of vegetables or not. I only eat the green ones, and the people preaching that health crap are always talking about eating green stuff. I say it is a vegetable and since I eat several queen olives while I cook lunch, I am counting it as another serving.
Next we have the gray area fruits and vegetables. First up, my wife tries to claim raisins don't count as a fruit. I say they most certainly do count as a fruit. After all, they are just dried grapes and grapes are a fruit, so why aren't dried grapes covered in chocolate a fruit? I did mention they were chocolate covered raisins, right? Not that it matters. My wife's argument is that the chocolate negates the benefits of the raisin. The way I look at it, people will order a salad, slice fried chicken strips and throw them on top, then drench the whole thing in ranch dressing and call that a healthy meal, I think a raisin, that happens to be covered in its BFF chocolate, is just as healthy. My live in nutritionist/warden also claims that a potato is not a vegetable. I don't know what she thinks it is. It is not an animal or a mineral, which according to my 20Q game, only leaves one thing. And I eat that particular vegetable all day long, as fries, tater tots, and chips. Not too mention that some of the chips I eat are CORN chips, and corn is a vegetable too. I have argued several times that I eat more servings of fruits and vegetable than she does.
By my math, I am intaking approximately fifty servings of fruits and vegetables a day. If anything maybe I should cut back and not eat so many carrots (just in case being orange turns you into a drunken slut). The bottom line is I am trying to be a healthier Tommy. And after all, the doctors and nutritionists are constantly changing their minds on what is good and what is bad. One day it's meat is bad, the next day it's carbs that are. First no alcohol, then it's good for your heart (not that I can do anything about that one since I can't drink). Used to be eggs were good, then bad, now they may be good again in certain situations. Everything with nutrition seems to be an oxymoron. Things have changed just since I have started going through my cancer ordeal. On one hand they say to eat pecans, almonds, and cashews, but the FIRST thing they told me to do when I was diagnosed with cancer was cut back on my nuts...
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