Recently I was invited by my parents' pastor to be part of his internet radio show, the Naked Church's Naked Talk. Before you get your hopes up, it is strictly a voice interview, not webcam and the name is definitely misleading (something I embarrassingly found out after the fact).
Throughout my ordeal I have tried to look at the positive side of things, because frankly, I don't have a choice. Sitting around stewing about things doesn't help anyone, so why not be positive? And I think I have a lot to be positive about. I found my cancer early, and even though I ignored it for a month, it still didn't spread. I was Stage I and had the "best kind of cancer". I had doctor's that moved swiftly and quickly treated me before things had a chance to get any worse. I only lost approximately half of the balls I started with, and just found out what is left still works (in theory, still trying to make it work in practice by having a mini-me running around). Even the one hiccup with the bad oncologist resulted in me finding a great oncologist that helped to unite all of my doctors into a team. I only had to do one round of chemo and I made it through that fairly unscathed. All in all, I think I am pretty lucky.
We have all heard that there are no atheists in a foxhole, and I wish I could say the same for cancer patients. many of us do depend a lot on faith in God and man (now Bowie's Modern Love in running through my head). On one hand, you have to have total faith in your oncologist, because your life literally is in his/her hands. So in that sense, you are putting your faith in man to cure you. Many of us also spend a lot of time on the horn to God asking that he guide that man to help us through what we are going through, as well as help us as we fight to survive the cure (which can sometimes be a harder fight that the sickness, but at least you have a fighting chance of surviving the cure).
The people I don't understand are the ones that curse God for their cancer. As I said in my unfortunately clothed radio interview on the unfortunately clothed Naked Church, for those that say "Why me?", you can also say "Why not me?" In this world, we can't all walk around with everyone having the perfect life. Some of us are going to lose jobs, some of us are going to get cancer, and some of us are going to be given American made Paul Reed Smith guitars with twenty-four frets and double cutaways for Christmas. I had all three of those things happen to me last year, and I think I made it through OK.
For the atheists, they don't have anyone to curse, and they also have no one to put their faith in other than man. Personally, if I were an atheist with cancer, I think I would hedge my bets and find some faith quickly. After all, if there isn't a God, you won't be any worse off than you were already, right? It's the people that curse God for giving them cancer that really confuse me. If you think God gave you cancer and you are cursing Him, what sense does that make? If you believe He is the type to do something like give you a disease, won't cursing Him just make things worse?
One of the ladies in my group said a friend of hers said, "NOTHING is a surprise to God." And I don't think that phrase needs to be expanded on or thought about in depth, just repeated when you think life has taken a dump on you. Nothing is a surprise to God. I don't know if it was a plan, a punishment, a blessing, a break from working, a rest, a teachable moment, a way of that extra scrotal weight I have been carrying around all these years, or what. I just know that I experienced it. I made it through with God's and man's help. And now I will hopefully use these life experiences to be a better person and help others. And if you are the type that doesn't believe in God or curses God, what do you have to lose by becoming a better person from all this?
Don't get me wrong, there are periods of frustration, or confusion, or exhaustion, or apprehension. But there are also periods of relief, elation, joy, and a whole different outlook on life. So far I think my faith has served me well, and I don't plan on giving that up anytime soon, which is a good thing because I already have the tattoo (wish I could say the same thing about the wedding ring tattoo, guess I am stuck with her now). I don't mind talking about my ordeal and I don't mind talking about how my faith got me through it and continues to get me through things. The only time I think I have really asked "Why me?" is when I found out, that the Naked Church is false advertising, but I still managed to enjoy that too. I guess I will have to find somewhere else to show off my new, slimmer sack.
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