I really didn't think this week's test would bother me as much as it appears to be. The cancer insomnia is back in full swing, as bad or worse than it was when I first got diagnosed. I can operate on just of few hours of sleep and not seem to be tired at all.
My wife has been picking up on it, but hasn't found a way to make me sleepy, outside of poisoning me, and I catch her before she is able to slip stuff in my meals like "vegetables". She sometimes convinces me to lay down when she does, but I lay there for an hour or two, then get back up again. Once up, I stay up for another two or three hours until I decide I had better lay back down before she gets up for work, or she will beat me (it's happened before).
The worst part of all of this, is just like last time, there is very little productivity in all of these extra waking hours. I wish I could exercise, but that late at night all of the wheezing, moaning, huffing, puffing, crying, and whimpering would wake up the rest of the house, and that is just from putting on my exercise shorts (because I have found you can't work out in a camouflage snuggie, it keeps getting tangled on the uneven bars). I don't really do anything creative, either. If I were to play my American made, twenty four fret, double cutaway, Paul Reed Smith in the dead of night, it would also wake up the rest of the house (although every note that comes out of it is pretty much a sweet lullaby in my hands...). I haven't done anything like written a great novel about giraffes ruling the Earth and starting their own Puritan society until some giraffes with poor morals start wearing turtleneck sweaters and that risqué clothing starts eroding their moral fiber and the giraffes start fighting so much within their own group they don't notice that the impalas are starting their own society which is a lot better because all impalas are cool (provided they were made before 1996). I have spent some of the time late at night in the insomnia hours looking for jobs, but the jobs you find yourself looking for at 3am aren't the same jobs you would apply for at 10am. Apparently the later in the night it gets, the better your perceived abilities are.
When I finally do get to bed and it is really late (or early) that is when my mind starts running rampant. I am usually still not tired physically, but my mind is completely fatigued and not working correctly. I lie there, still wide awake, and in the still of the night I hear every little sound outside. I can hear that damn raccoon farting in my workshop, and I just know he is doing it on Michelle the Impala. Then I lie there thinking of elaborate ways to assassinate flatulent raccoons, but I know the squirrels will never cooperate with the plan and I just plain don't trust the 'possums. The longer I lie there, the more my mind conjures up weird thoughts that scare me awake, like images of little trolls doing backflips on trampolines with cutlasses in their mouths, kinda like lederhosen wearing, green Shawn Johnson's, but not near as cute. And I don't know whether I should tackle them and steal their swords, or jump on the trampoline with them and pinch their little cheeks (because that is what I would do if I were jumping on a trampoline with a green Shawn Johnson, is that weird? Hmmm, I guess it is. Forget I said any of that last bit. Unless your Shawn, you're into that sort of thing, and have a place for me to stay after my wife kicks me out and beats me...not necessarily in that order. I'll bring the lederhosen.)
I tried listing some of the crap that I am trying to unload on ebay while I was up that late, but nowadays everyone always waits until the last minute of an auction to bid, and what I found out, is people are not on ebay at 3am, they are either asleep, coming downstairs to ask me why I'm not in bed, or looking at porn. Maybe if I could sell porn on ebay I would have the perfect combo, but first I would have to get some porn to sell. I doubt I could make any myself, because I don't think there is a market for "husky" guys with one nut. If there is, how much does that sort of porn pay, and will there be trolls or a trampoline involved? (I'll provide the lederhosen.)
I am definitely counting down the days until I do this latest test and I get my results. Hopefully I will find my normal sleep patterns again. If I can't get my normal sleep patterns back, I hope I at least find something productive to do with my time. Maybe I could rearrange the basement while no one is awake to get in the way. You know, if I move the couch over there, and the TV there, and the computer desk there, I should have just enough room for a trampoline and I tripod,hmmm....I gotta run, I think I just found a way to make money and occupy my time.
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