Childhood Cancer

Today I did something I hope I never do again in my lifetime.  I went to a visitation for a child lost in a tragic accident.  One of the parents is a longtime friend of mine, and we went to show our support for the family.  I say that, but at the same time I don't feel like I was much support at all.  I was dreading every part of it (other than being there for the family).  I guess it was something I would rather not think about, that children can pass.  I couldn't even bring myself to look at the casket.  I can tell you exactly how many times I did look over there, three.  The first time from a distance, and that was almost more than I could handle, and I was done looking at that point.  I felt my breathing change and my pulse racing.  The rest of the way up to my friend I watched the video monitors, looked at the flowers anywhere but that child lying there, but when I got close, I thought it was obvious I was trying to avoid looking, so I glanced twice more.  The last time I came close to losing it.  I hugged my friend and whispered a couple of things that may or may not be heard, but to be honest I didn't know what to say.  I was speechless.  Nothing I could say would make that situation any better.  I was so out of it, I forgot to introduce my wife.  On the drive home, for the first hour, I think I only spoke about ten words to my wife.

What does any of this have to do with childhood cancer?  The events the past week, this child's death, people I know getting horrible diagnoses/prognoses, everything, has really been weighing on me.  Today was the result of an accident.  As long as kids are allowed to be kids, there will be accidents, most minor, but unfortunately some will end very tragically.  Unless kids are never allowed to do anything and put in a bubble all day, they will find ways to get hurt.  As I drove home in silence, I just thought about childhood cancer and I wondered, how many parents are going through this exact same scenario every single day because of cancer?  Four, just in the U.S.  (According to the National Cancer Institute).  That is four kids dying everyday of cancer, just in this country!  This isn't an accident or some random thing.  We know that four families will have to experience what my friend experienced today, and four more will tomorrow, and four more the day after that.  160,000 kids worldwide will get cancer this year, 10,400 in this country alone.  I find this appalling!

I went from leaving the funeral home today, feeling like I wasn't able to help a good friend, to getting mad thinking that there are many other people out there that are going to lose a child to cancer and we know it going to happen to the tune of four a day!!!   I don't know what I am going to do about it.  I don't know what I can do about it.  I just know it is absolutely shocking that we know four children died today of cancer, and four more will die tomorrow, and so on, and we continue to allow it to go on.

Those of us (adults) that are/were living with cancer, we have ways of coping.  We get upset.  We get mad at the disease.  We get depressed.  We may go into our shell.  We may be short with our families and loved ones.  We go through the myriad of emotions as we learn our diagnosis, our prognosis, go through tests, go through treatment, get sick from chemo, go through more tests, live in fear of recurrence, etc. all because we know that this is not "normal" life.  To a kid going through a cancer battle, they don't know any better.  As far as they know, that is how life is supposed to be, and I think that is what saddens me most of all.

What am I going to do now?  Well, since an accident is just that, an accident, I know I cannot go around the world predicting how the next child is going to get seriously hurt and be there to prevent it.  However, I do know that worldwide 438 kids are going to be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow.  I don't know what I am going to do about it, but I know I am going to start looking to see what there is that I can do about it.  I stood in front of a good friend today, on the verge of tears, as I fell speechless and helpless, and there was nothing I could do, I can't even begin to fathom what a parent goes through.  I don't want to stand in front of someone else, see their child lying there and say "I knew four children were going to die of cancer today, but I didn't bother doing anything about it."  Although I don't know what I can do about it...yet, I can guarantee I am going to start looking to see how I can help support childhood cancer causes.