So, we have spent the past two weeks at many doctors' appointments, all of them resulting in the good doctor getting to know my wife in very intimate ways. Each violation is followed by me comparing each examination or test to one of my gastro-intestinal procedures and proclaiming that my tests are much worse (something I will continue to maintain as long as I am male...or at least half male). The ironic part of all of this, is my wife experiences all these doctors' appointments just to be told, that I am probably the issue here. That was kind of a no brainer that the guy with one nut and fresh off chemo wasn't shooting the best quality. But, we have a great doctor and she is confident that we will get pregnant no matter what the cost. We on the other hand are confident that we will get pregnant for under five figures, after that...well, we don't know. I have already asked the billing person at the doctor's office to give us the bills so we can show our little bundle of joy why they are not getting a new car when they turn sixteen and why they will be going to a state university...provided that state university is not a Big Ten university in this state.
The latest foray into the world of fertility involved various medications and injections all experienced by someone that is not me. Something again that I find ironic since I am the problem. It even involved me giving my wife a shot, which for some sadistic reason that I cannot explain, I enjoyed way too much. I will give my wife credit though. If this latest bag of medical tricks worked, that would put our due date right around...Jaco Pastorius' birthday. When my wife pointed that out to me, I reminded her that whatever day our child was born would be Jaco's birthday, because that will be our first born's name. For our kid's sake, I hope it won't be a girl, because Jaco will be an awkward name for a girl.
The doctor explained that the stuff we are doing right now should work, but should the chemo not release its hold on my remaining junk, we would have to switch to a much more expensive option. That led to a conversation in the car. The last resort option the doctor mentioned is a very expensive option, very very expensive. My wife asked what we planned to do if it came down to that as our last option. I said I planned to buy a Brian Setzer Gretsch and order a custom made Paul Reed Smith.
Once, when asked why we didn't have kids yet, my wife made the comment that we were too busy buying ourselves toys to buy toys for a kid. And she was basically correct. I have already accepted that fact that whenever we do get pregnant, my toy buying days for myself will be over for at least twenty years or so. If it comes down to shelling out a possible five figures for the down payment on a kid...then the twenty years worth of raising them...I may just stick to buying myself toys. I now understand why when going to carshows with my buddy, who has three grown children, he points to cars and says "that was my first born" and "that was my second born". I guess he didn't go the same route we did, but what I don't understand is why he points out much more than three cars...good Lord do they really cost that much?
The first time I saw a Setzer Gretsch it was like I was looking through one of those fuzzy filter thingys the movies use. When I saw the price tag, things got even fuzzier. So it has always been a dream instrument of mine. And I received my dream Paul Reed Smith from my family for Christmas this year. A guitar I am absolutely in love with (it's hard to imagine loving anything that much, even a kid). Guitars can have different tones with different shapes, different thicknesses, different electronics, etc. The PRS I was given is a model that is unique to the rest of the PRS line. Eventually I would like to own another nice PRS, but the features I love about my PRS, are not available on any other model, which means I would have to have one special made if I do decide to get another one. And since Paul Reed Smith guitars are ridiculously expensive to begin with, I can only imagine the cost of a custom made one, but yet somehow I think it is still less than the cost of our last ditch procedure should we come to that decision.
However, I don't think it will come down to that decision. Hopefully what we have done already will work, and even if we didn't, we still try that for a year or so, and by then hopefully I will be over the toxic shock from the chemotherapy. I place it all in God's hands. If He wants me to have a kid, I guess He will give us a child. If He wants me to have two guitars, well...I guess the issue I haven't addressed is that if we don't have the big money for the last ditch procedure, then we probably don't have money for expensive guitars either. Maybe I could just win the lottery, then I could afford both...but still not a private school for the kid.
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