If you read my blog from yesterday, last night I noticed a little bump on my eye. Not on the lid, I have a little tiny eye ball on my eyeball. Most people would never notice it was there, but I know it's there and that's what bothers me. Although, when the light hits it just right, it's like a have a little glimmer in my eye. I guess that can be kinda cool, even if the reason for the glimmer is depressing me. Today I called the local ophthalmologist, who just happens to be closed on Fridays, which meant I had to go down the road to Wal-Mart's vision center.
The doctor at Wal-Mart was very nice (WOW, there is a group of words I never thought I would see together) and very quickly identified the problem. I simply had a pingueculum, which I am sure you already guessed by now, but it was the first time I had ever heard of that word. Apparently it is a Latin word that means "screw you I am here to stay and there isn't a darn thing you can do about it". At least that is what I think it means from the explanation the doctor gave me. Apparently in sunny climates nearer to the equator, people get these all the time from all of the sun. Lately, here in Ohio if we want to see the sun, we have to look it up on the internet. So, the probable cause of my penguinlump (or whatever it's called) is dust, which is very common up in our area. He said it was no big deal, that many people get them. In fact, he informed me there is a smaller one forming in my other eye too that I hadn't noticed yet. Wow, I am twice as lucky as I originally thought.
Easy enough, so what is the cure you ask? There basically is none. They are there for life. He tells me that I can have it surgically removed, but they usually come right back. Well, that's good to know. (Although, my wife did do some research and apparently a new type of surgery only has a 4% chance of them reoccurring). He said that I should probably start using fake tears to keep that area from drying out, because when that area dries out it gets irritated, and when it gets irritated it gets bigger. Even better news! The other thing is to wear sunglasses.
I hate wearing all glasses. Now anyone that knows me at all, knows that I think girls in glasses are hot (that's why I keep putting sand in my wife's contact case), so it's kind of ironic that I hate wearing glasses myself. I have owned two pair of sunglasses my adult life. The first pair was for riding a bike. You only need a few bugs in your eyes and to be riding a bike blind for a few minutes on a busy street to realize you need glasses to protect you. And a couple of years ago, my wife gave me the ultimatum that if I didn't get some sunglasses she wouldn't let me on a boat. Outside of that I have never had nor worn sunglasses. Now just for clarification I do wear safety glasses, especially when dealing with metal shavings. You only need to hear one story on how they have to grind the metal out of your eyeball, before you decide you don't want to deal with that.
While at Wal-Mart, I bought my eye drops, so half of my assignment was done. Now I had to do the dreaded search for sunglasses. The good news is, winter in Ohio isn't a really busy time for sunglass counters, meaning I didn't have to wait in any long lines. The bad new is, winter in Ohio isn't a really busy time for sunglass counters, so their stock is limited. We finally found a store with a good selection and I think I was made to try on every pair...twice...some four times. The selection process went sort of like this. I find a pair I like. My wife wrinkles her nose and gives me at least three reasons why she hates it and why my choice sucks. She grabs a pair of tortoise shell framed glasses for me to try on. I say I don't want tortoise shell frames they look to feminine. I grab another pair and we repeat the whole process again. This goes on for at least four hours (according to my internal man-clock) with the salesperson usually siding with my wife (a female conspiracy). Until we had it narrowed down to two pair. A pair that costs $50 and a pair of Ray-Bans that cost $150. Since I never plan on buying another pair of sunglasses for the rest of my life, I justified the $150 Ray-Bans. The main reason is they have those springy little arms that not only feel better against my noggin, but also won't break when someone who hasn't worn glasses for most of his thirty-nine years (plus one) rips his glasses off the wrong way.
The part of the evening that baffled me, is we passed through a shoe sale and a purse sale and my wife started drooling. I told her I didn't really have any room to do any complaining after my purchase, and for the one and only time in my life, I would watch her by a purse or pair of shoes, without pointing out the thirty-seven other pairs she has just like it. My wife looked at me, definitely stunned, and what surprised me, is she didn't buy anything!!! I think it was like going fishing versus buying fish sticks at the grocery store. I guess buying shoes and purses is no fun if there is no sport involved in aggravating me by it. I am tempted to use this reverse psychology in the future, but I think I would be pressing my luck (plus she reads these sometimes).
I now have every thing I need to treat my pingpongdudrum. I have the eye drops and an expensive pair of sunglasses. The article also mentioned that staring at LCD monitors can aggravate pingearcolumns, which not only cuts down on my planned study of internet pornography in the future (unless I have my sunglasses on), but is my excuse for any typos from now on. I am not proofreading for my health!
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