Yesterday I had lunch with two more friends. The one brought her children, including her baby that was born just before I started chemo, so I haven't seen the baby since. Let the record show that I was brave enough to hold the baby the day she was born. I was asked if I wanted to hold the baby yesterday, and I declined. I returned the baby unbroken last time, and didn't feel like pushing my luck.
I am learning a lot about babies with all of my friends that are popping them out left and right. The only thing I haven't been learning is how to create them as easy as everyone else seems to be able to. One thing that I supposedly learned is that babies can be gassy. This is one of those things I didn't need to know. I am a little suspicious about this one. I don't think baby farts can make that much noise, especially when it is muffled by a diaper, tights, dress, blanky, another blanky, another blanky, all in a travel seat. I am more inclined to believe that it was produced by the friend sitting across from me who didn't have near the sound deadening material that the baby did. If it truly was the baby, I would hate to hear what it would sound like if the baby was going commando.
And from what I can tell, babies are very fragile, which is the main reason I am afraid to hold them, plus the whole atomic fart thing that I learned yesterday. I had already been hoping that when we do get pregnant we have multiples anyway. This is for several reasons, my wife says she is only going to be pregnant once so if I want more than one kid, I better make sure there are twins or triplets. Another reason, with my former and recent illnesses I realize how quickly I can become dependent on others, and the more kids I can have waiting on me the better. I also figure with mulitples, I have better chances of one of them being a millionaire and taking care of me, or at the very least if I really screw up one of them really bad (through poor parenting, feeding them the same crap I eat, accidental dropping, stuff like that) I will have at least one more to fall back on. And the lastly, I would like multiples because I am the guy so I won't have to deal with the extra tenants in my body for nine months, so what do I care? When you come right down to it, us guys are carrying millions of potential little ones all the time and you don't hear us complaining...except sometimes on our birthdays.
There may be a high chance that we will have multiples. For one, I read on-line (which is always true) that sweet potatoes increase the likelihood of having twins (or more) so I have been urging my wife to eat them every chance she gets. Plus I keep a stack of them by the bed and shove them into her mouth when she snores, so she is getting a heck of a lot of them that way too. The more likely reason for multiples is that we don't know if my swimmers have survived the chemo yet. I don't take that test for about a month (and I haven't even started studying yet). If my little guys are just as tired as I am from the chemo, chances are we will have to make a withdrawal from the "bank". And we all know that when you use your bank deposits, the chances of multiples increase. I say we all know that because the results of that are the corner stone for TLC's programming. I don't want more than five though, because my wife's car can only hold seven people and she swears up and down she will never upgrade to a "mom-mobile". I guess we could have six, I mean I don't have to go with her when she takes six kids out at once, do I? That would free up a seat.
As you can see, the visit with my friends yesterday got me thinking about all of these good ideas, and kept me up most of the night. Seeing the little baby made me want one even more, not enough to steal hers though...at least not after I found out how gassy she was. I am thankful we didn't have one during this cancer stuff, I don't know that I would have been able to deal with that on top of everything else. Plus in my weakened state, the basenjis may have plotted to overthrow the house and coerced the baby into an alliance with them and voted us out of the house (the vote would have been three against two, assuming my wife would vote with me, sometimes I think she is plotting with the basenjis). I guess in addition to studying for my "swimmer's" test I should also read up on all these weird things that come with conceiving and having a baby(s) and also try kissing up to the dogs so they'll be on my side.
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