For better or worse, going through testicular cancer once makes you a little gun shy. Losing one testicle isn't too bad, but you quickly run out of testicles to lose after that. I have sometimes wondered if having to carry a personal cell phone AND a work cell phone may have put out too much radiation and caused my cancer. So to be safe, I wear cargo pants all the time and carry the phones lower. My friends make fun of me, because I am still being exposed to twice the radiation of one phone it's just on my leg now, but I remind them that I still have TWO legs.
Anyway, at my last urology appointment, I mentioned I found a lump. Having the health issues I have, I regularly see five different doctors, four of whom have a great sense of humor and I can joke around with. However, my urologist, who is a great doctor and ultimately responsible for saving my life since he caught the cancer when a nurse practitioner dismissed it as nothing, he is all business all the time. No joking, nothing but the facts. I mentioned the lump to him, and kneeling down for my yearly check he was able to locate it as well. He stated he was fairly certain that it was nothing, but if I wanted to get an ultrasound done to rest easier, I could. I stated, I was probably just scared from finding the lump the first time (that ended up being cancer) and was paranoid about finding lumps now. Still kneeling down and checking out the lump, he looks at me with a serious look on his face and says "When you feel something, I want to feel something." Now, I know what he meant by that. He meant, no one knows your body better than yourself, so if you notice a change you need to report that to your doctor. It just seemed a little funny to me hearing that with someone kneeling down and holding my testicle in his hand. And knowing that this very good doctor would not see the humor in what he just said, made the whole moment funnier. I felt like a kid sitting in class in grade school trying not to giggle at "Guess what? Chicken butt!" I came pretty close to biting a hole in my tongue to suppress the laughter.
Fast forward six months later, and I kept feeling that lump with my regular checks, and it kept making me more and more nervous that it was "something". I finally called the office when I could take no more to schedule an ultrasound. The day they found my first lump, my ultrasound was scheduled for as soon as I could drive to the other office. Last week's scheduling took days. When the scheduler finally did return my call, she said, "When did you want to come in?" I just told her, "Tomorrow!"
I went to the office and was relieved to see the same old lady that had performed my ultrasound last time. Now there is probably more than a few males that would read this that are thinking to themselves, "Old lady? No! I was some hot young thing fresh out of college!" And those males haven't thought this through all the way. While the testicle may feel like this finely crafted orb, it is kept in the most hideous, unattractive container. I am not much on trying to figure out what the fairer sex finds attractive, but I would imagine that is pretty low on the list of alluring male body parts. And you are going to force someone to be up close and personal with it for some period of time since, to do it right, they have to scan the area from two different angles. You want someone that you aren't trying to impress, that knows what they are doing. You want to walk out of that office with some peace of mind.
And speaking of peace of mind, I explained to the lady where I felt the lump and she felt the area too. This is where years of experience come in, because not only did she find the lump, but she described the area better than I could, which made me comfortable that we were both focused on the same spot and that she would get good images of the area I was concerned about.
First, she went ahead and checked "lefty" and put me at ease by saying, no matter what they found, he was going to stick around because the lump was not affecting him at all. That was my main concern, I admire the "flatbaggers" because their journey is much more difficult with testosterone replacement therapy and other issues. I didn't want to go down that road. I did mention to her that last time, I could tell it was cancer, even though we had to wait for someone else to read the images, just by the look on her face. That was a mistake. She put on her best poker face this time, making sure I had no clue as to what she saw on that screen. Do NOT play cards with that woman!
Feeling confident that at least I would get to the bottom of things so to speak, I went home to wait for the news. Unfortunately that was Friday, so I had to wait through the weekend. Each night, scanxiety was a little worse, and I slept a little less. Finally, last night (night four), I think I slept for all of about an hour. My wife had enough. She told me to call the doctor. I told her I was going to wait, because they were supposed to call me. In my mind, if you call too much and irritate the doctor, they make the incisions twice as long, make you wait longer in the waiting room, or leave the blinds open during your screening. She said "OK", then went to work and called the doctor anyway! The good news is, apparently it's no big deal. She didn't find out what it was, because she just wanted to hear it wasn't cancer so that I would quit tossing and turning all night long.
So, what is the moral of the story? I don't freaking know anymore. How about, when in doubt check it out! Yeah, that works. But seriously, there are two reasons for checking out anything you find suspicious. First it could save your life (like it did the first time I noticed an odd lump) and second, you will be able to relax because you aren't worrying about it anymore. And remember the words my doctor said to me, that if you feel something, he wants to feel something.
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