I know it has been a very long time since I have posted last, and I will explain the reasons for that tomorrow. Right now, I would rather talk about the catalyst that made me write today.
At my previous job, in the eight years I worked there, seven of us had been diagnosed with cancer (that I know of). Now, I have been too lazy to actually look up statistics, but I think out of an organization of 100 or so of us that is a little high. There was a person who was diagnosed with breast cancer just a month or so before I was diagnosed. Not a close friend, just a work colleague, but still as someone I worked with I had gone through the trouble to go buy a get well card. Like a lot of things in life, it kept getting passed over until I heard she had made it through treatment without any problems at all. At that point it seemed a little silly to send a get well card. Then out of the blue, I got one from her. That really meant something, because since I had been laid off from the company, I wasn't aware that too many people even knew of my cancer diagnosis. So it was a little pick me up that she took time out of her recovery to help me with mine (especially when I procrastinated too much to send her a card). She was also a source of hope for me because other than her and I, everyone else that was diagnosed has already died of their illness. It was nice to know that two of us had escaped the curse.
Fast forward to this past weekend. When talking with a different former work colleague, I was informed that this person had passed away last month. Apparently the cancer had come back in her liver this time and she was unable to fight it. I was sad to hear of the loss of her. Last I knew she was past all of this cancer crap.
What happened next surprised me more than I ever could have imagined. That meant I was the last survivor standing. All of a sudden, many of the feelings I had the first day I was diagnosed came flooding back to me. The most prevalent thought in my mind was "does this mean mine can come back without warning as well?" It was about an hour from when my friend told me of our colleagues passing before I could tell my wife. I just had a lot of the same scared feelings all over again.
I have had a lot of good things happen the past few months (which I will talk about tomorrow) and to be honest cancer was something I hardly thought about at all anymore. In fact, after yet another screw up with hospital billing I had even contemplated foregoing CAT scans because I was tired of dealing with paperwork afterwards.
I told another good friend of mine that I felt like I was in an 80's horror flick and that the evil cancer has been picking off the seven of us, and I am the last one being chased. She lightened the mood by pointing out in horror flicks if I had been black or a busty blonde, I would have been one of the first to go. At last check, I am neither African American nor a busty blonde (although if I don't start working out more, I may develop some manboobs). I told her I am hoping that I am the one person that always lives in a horror flick just in case they want to make a sequel. Although, I certainly don't want to go through all that again. For one thing I would have to change my blog from the "One Nut Wonder" to the "Nutless Wonder" if I went through all of this a second time.
I just couldn't believe how quickly I could be taken back to a place I thought I had left behind almost a year ago. After all, during my oncologist visits, I seem to spend more time filling out insurance paperwork that I do with the actual oncologist. My X-rays and CAT scans are getting further and further apart. But this one bit of news brought me right back to a week after chemo. So much so, that I contracted some deadly funk yesterday, be it food poisoning, the flu, Voodoo curse, or whatever gives you 102 temp, stomach cramps, and body aches, and the whole time in the back of my mind I am asking myself "Is this really just from cutting off some Haitian on the Interstate or is this an indication that cancer has comeback somewhere else?"
Regardless, I will try to enjoy the blessings I have and if the day comes where I have to star in "Cancer II, the Recurrence" I will do my best to make it through the sequel to fight again. Now I just have to think of a witty catch phrase...
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