Oncologist II: The Search for Doc

Our appointment with the oncologist Tuesday was a complete opposite of what it had been the week before.  The doctor, let's call him by something other than his real name, let's just call him Dr. Jekyll was first distracted by the patient in the other room.  Everyone that walked by, Dr. Jekyll was sure to mention he had to spend a lot of time with the next patient.  This is while he is walking back and forth looking for my CATscan results.  He did know we were coming.  It was written down.  You would think he would make an effort to get those ahead of time, especially since he needed to spend a lot of time with the patient after me.  For what was close to half an hour we would see him walk by, mutter something about still waiting from my results, and loudly shout to whoever hasn't heard yet that he needs to spend a lot of time with the next patient.  He then wanders back by and tells us he doesn't want to keep us any longer, then tells us he has to spend a lot of time with his next patient and he doesn't want to make us wait.

It's at this point I am glad I am not the next patient, who we are pretty sure was already in the next room and can hear the shouting.  With cancer your mind is constantly bouncing back and forth between the best possible outcome and the worst case scenario.  "A lot of time with the next patient" doesn't sound like a confidence vote for "you cured, see ya later!"  And the fact that he has been announcing it very loudly for at least a half an hour, makes one wonder if this is the first time he talked to anyone about anything that serious.

He tells us, we will just wait for the results he didn't bother to get, so we can leave and come in some other time.  We ask if real quickly we could talk about the three possible options he gave us, since we know he had to get to that patient he has to spend a lot of time with.  My wife mentions that she went to the website he gave us, and was only able to pull up a few pages without paying.  He looked annoyed and asked if she was able to pull up any at all.  She said she was only able to pull up the basics.  He looked even more annoyed and said he was surprised by that.  A very curious reaction to us going to a website Dr. Jekyll told us to go to.  We then tell him about the "episode" the day after the CATscan (well, we give him a very abbreviated version).  That is when he decided to argue with us about that.  He had never heard of any such reaction to a CATscan.

It's funny that a guy that works with CATscans as part of his job, has a CATscan machine in his building, had never heard of such a thing.  The people that gave me the CATscan know about it.  Our friends in the medical profession know about it.  The pharmacist knew about it.  My family doctor knew exactly what I was talking about when I told him.  Even my sister, who does CATscans on sheep, mice, and dead giraffes knew about it!  Although I don't know if dead giraffes feel ALL of the side effects.  How could Dr. Jekyll argue this point?!?!  AND WHY DOESN'T HE KNOW ABOUT IT?!?!

Trying to change the subject to something we think he won't be so confrontational on, we switch to treatment.  We then say we have decided that chemo is the best option.  Now he looks surprised, even though that seemed to be what we all agreed would be the best option last meeting, including Dr. Jekyll!  He says, "Fine we'll start...ah...a week from Friday." and starts to walk out of the room.  We stop him and ask if there is anything we should do to prepare because we had a few questions about what I can and can't do on chemotherapy.  He looks more annoyed that we are actually asking about the thing he told us to do last time that apparently he didn't actually plan on us doing.  This appointment is getting stranger and stranger.  He says to book the chemo and he'll see us later.  We ask about the medicine he said he would give us to take the day before the chemo, and he said to book a second appointment a half an hour before chemo and pushes us on our way.  "I'm going to be spending a lot of time with this next patient!!!" we hear as we head down the hallway.  Apparently there were a few new people in the waiting room that hadn't heard yet.

We book our appointments in a total daze about what just happened.  I was supposed to be on the path to recovery, and now I don't even know which road I am going down.  My wife, God bless her, knows just by looking at me that I am very distraught.  She's says "Call them back now".  I can't, I am way too mad, lost, upset, and confused.  We stop for a bite to eat and I end up letting my food get cold while I type away on my phone a letter to the clinic.  I feel better.  But I still feel like I am not in a good place.  "I don't think I want him to be our oncologist." I say.  "Whatever you want."  she says back, and I can tell she means it.  I think she was feeling it too, but wanted me to make the choice.

I get an e-mail back from the clinic by the time we get home.  It's from the "Operations Manager".  Wow!  Didn't plan on it getting that high that quick.  She was very apologetic and said she would work with us to get things back on track.

At seven thirty that next morning the phone rings.  It's Dr. Jekyll.  He apologizes and it all starts out very nice. Like the old Dr. Jekyll.  I didn't really appreciate the early phone call, but it's OK.  I try to be understanding, after all cancer patients definitely know what it is like to have a "good day" or a "bad day" be it physically, mentally, emotionally, we have them all.  As I am starting to give him the benefit of the doubt, I tell him we aren't really comfortable having our meeting to get the medication that I need to take the day before I start chemo, a half an hour before I start chemo (in other words, about twenty-four hours late).  He then starts trying to argue with me saying that's not what he said at all and raises his voice.  I just stop him right there and say, "I think we are going with a different oncologist."

I would be feeling a lot worse, but I had e-mailed my family doctor about our oncologist not taking into account my GI issues and some of the other problems, and he suggested a friend of his that he knew would take good care of me.  I wait for the Operations Manager to call me back, and when I don't hear from her, I call the guy my doctor suggested.  October 15th is the first chance I have to get in.  I am back to despair.  I don't want to wait that long.  She suggests another oncologist that will see me the next day.  I reluctantly agree.  I tell my wife what transpired and she has a list of other suggestions that would have been good to know before I made the call.  The rest of the day is filled with internet research on doctors and me feeling like I am just playing Russian Roulette with oncologists now.

You hear stories of people that just walk away from their cancer treatment.  They put their fate in the Hands of God rather than in the science that God helped give us.  Right now I know exactly how these people feel.  I feel like I am drowning in mud with all of the things that are bombarding my brain at this point.  Walking away and taking my chances seem like the best option.  I mean, I was cancer free yesterday, I should stay that way for a little while without chemo or any other treatment, right?  I half made up my mind that's what I would do.  My wife calls.  I have no idea what she was talking about, I couldn't focus on listening.  All I know is at some point she said, "Do you want me to call?"  In what felt like a hour long pause, I respond that I am tired of dealing with things, I can't deal with things anymore.

My wife calls on her way home with a lot different tone in her voice.  She is excited!  She called the Operations Manager, who asked about the "apology".  My wife, who could hear the apology on the other side of the room when he started shouting, told the nice lady how the "apology" went.  Apparently Dr. Jekyll left out some details of the phone call when he told his boss he called me back.  And turns out he left out some details when he told her about the previous day's appointments.  Turns out he was leaving out details everywhere.  Maybe the guy he had to spend a lot of time with got all these missing details, that must be why he had to spend so much time with him.  The operations manager made some phone calls.  Had my wife make some phone calls.  Some phone calls were made back to my wife. And within an hour, we had a long appointment scheduled with the doctor I want!  I am very excited!

See, our family doctor is amazing.  He honestly has obsessive compulsive disorder, which means your appointment is always when you booked it an not a second later, and he makes a habit of knowing how each and every patient likes to be talked to.  He knows which patients he needs to sugarcoat things with.  He knows which patients he needs to talk about all the possibilities with.  And he knows which patients (like me) just want it exactly the way it is.  He will set me down and say I am 80% sure it is "blah", but there is a 15%  chance it could be "blah-blah", and a very slight possibility it could be another thing, but don't even worry about that.  If our family doc is recommending this oncologist, he knows he is the right one for me or he would have just said "Sorry, I don't know who I could send you to."

I feel like I am back on the path to recovery.  No, I feel like I may be on the highway now!  The only thing is I have to wait a week for the appointment.  Another, hurry up and wait.  Whatever, I have been at this cancer stuff for three weeks now, so I am a veteran now.  But I am still not used to the hurry up and wait yet...