I can't wait for my urologist (who was also my surgeon) appointment this week. No, not because of the slap and tickle I will inevitably have to experience as soon as I get in his office. I am hoping I will get an answer to why no matter how long it has been since my surgery, my incision just never seems to heal.
Today we took the abused basenji to her class that is supposed to break her out of her shell. On the way back we decided to reward her for her hour of torture by taking her for a walk in the park. I was a little gun shy about the whole thing after hurting myself so bad in Florida. But that has been well over a month, and I haven't hurt myself that bad since. However, we didn't get too far in to our walk before I felt something happening. My wife asked if I was OK, and knowing how much I could potentially be hurting myself, I did the guy thing and said I was fine. I don't think it took her too long to tell I was lying. I think it was walking like an off balance Weeble Wobble that gave me away.
I think the best way to describe what happens is to compare it to taking a Band-Aid off. You know how when a Band-Aid is on, most of the time you aren't even aware it is there. Occasionally, your Band-Aid will catch on something while you are changing clothes or something, just giving you a little reminder that it is there, but not really hurting. When it is time you take off your Band-Aid you start to peel it back and it doesn't hurt too bad, UNTIL you get to the point that you have to just rip it off because it is going to hurt no matter what you do from that point on.
Ever since my surgery, on a good day, my incision feels like wearing a Band-Aid. Occasionally, I have a little tenderness there along my waistline where the incision is, but most of the time, I don't even notice it. When I start doing too much physical activity it is like I am brushing against the Band-Aid. Sometimes, I can feel the incision about to let loose, like today, where while walking, it was like I had pulled the the Band-Aid, but if I took one wrong step, the Band-Aid would be completely ripped off and leave me laying around for another two weeks.
I am tired of living like this. There seems to be no rhyme or reason to when I get to that Band-Aid ripping point. I can Wii up a storm with only a slight irritation, but I start walking on uneven terrain, and the effects are almost immediate. However, when it let loose in Florida I was walking on the pavement, but I had been rolling around under a car for hours earlier. I would have thought it would have pulled apart when I was practicing yoga underneath a Highlander, not when I was just walking minding my own business. I don't like walking around through life like I am in a minefield, and I don't know when I am going to step on the one that will send shockwaves through my body. It is bad enough just avoiding the minefield of poop during dog walks.
So, I am hoping this week's appointment will give me answers. I don't care if he says I have to have another operation, use a walker, wear a girdle, sit around in traction, or drive a Rascal scooter through Key West getting stuck on curbs (that one was just for you, sisters), at this point I will do it. Unfortunately, the first option they always offer is painkillers, which I always refuse, because I don't want to mask what is going on, I want to be healed! Until I get an answer I will just keep tiptoe-limping through life praying that my next step is not onto a landmine that rips off my Band-Aid.
Showing posts with label Wii. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wii. Show all posts
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sometimes Cancer Makes You Fat
Well I finally have internet again! I guess I could have written on my phone, but I didn't want to get carpal thumb. Anyway, I am fat. I can admit it. I am not waddling and breathing hard at everything fat, just kinda limping and breathing hard at things I am not supposed to fat. But oddly, there is something bothering more than just being overweight right now.
For eight years, a big part of my job had been thinking about a contingency plan for everything. So, when I was told going into chemo that my tastes could change (and they did) and that I may not like some of my favorite foods, and I may start to crave others, I prepared by having a two week supply of just about every type of food. The nurse told us that it was important to eat healthy, but it was more important to just eat. Luckily my plan worked, and although some stuff seemed absolutely disgusting while I was on chemo (I have completely lost interest in pasta, unfortunately) I found enough stuff that I bought in preparation for chemo that I did like. And my two week supply of food was gone in about four days....OK, I am exaggerating, it probably lasted me a week. The problem is, my activity level has been severely limited the past four months due to surgery recovery and the constant reinjuring of my surgery. So, increased intake of food and lowered activity level equals a plumper Tommy. Luckily, I was such a fine physical specimen before this all happened, I just went from husky to pudgy. All my clothes still fit and everything, just not as loose as in the past (and I did notice many of my Christmas gift shirts were 2XL instead my normal XL...I guess my family was sending me a hint).
But was has been bothering me is that I know I have gained weight, and I know I need to lose weight, but people keeping telling me it's no big deal. They will say something like that it's OK to gain weight with what I have been through and things to that effect, but I know I have gained weight and I know I need to get back in shape! I was kinda hoping to lose weight from all this crap and instead I am the only chemo patient ever to come through it fatter! I brought the subject up to my cancer group wondering if I was the only one, and I guess since it was our first meeting after the holidays, there were still a lot of sore spots, because everyone seemed to instantly agree with me. As cancer patients, we all know what we have been through, and we are all limited in some ways, and we all don't mind too much if someone is being protective, but we all seem to be a little annoyed by coddling. In other words, I don't mind being told to take it easy when I am doing physical activity, especially if it involves something heavy, but I do mind being told it is OK for me to be that something heavy. I don't know, maybe I am just getting a little fed up with being a cooped up cancer patient, that in my mind should have recovered a long time ago. This isn't the way I planned it.
So, I have eased myself back into Wiiing, and bought the newest EA Active. And unfortunately that nice cartoon lady on there doesn't coddle me at all. That snotty sack of pixels keeps yelling at me to keep up, when the only reason I am lagging behind is because I can't understand how to get the Wiimote to read my movements the way she wants me to, maybe if you made the directions a little clearer I could move the way you want me to and you could see that I am sweating my butt off over here flapping my arms and kicking my legs like an electrocuted chicken trying to get you to register my movements on the screen on my "kick backs"...sorry for that rant, it was just a very frustrating workout today.
I went to my no nonsense, honest doctor yesterday, who has told me that I should lose some weight for the past few visits, and I told my group, that if he said it was OK to be at my weight right now, I would be very ticked. Luckily (?) he told me I should lose weight in whatever way I could. He even mentioned something called a diet. I will exercise in my sleep before I give up the products from the fine folks at Keebler! Which by the way have you seen the new JUMBO Fudge Sticks that just came out? I wonder if I have any left, hold on...NOOOO, I ate it earlier today! WHY!?!? WHY!?!?!? WHY don't they put more than six in a box? That barely lasted the trip back from the grocery store. Anyway, my doctor and I discussed plans to lose the extra pounds while hopefully not hurting myself again.
With that said, I am in full swing with my new exercise program. I have only been on it a few days and already lost three pounds (possibly just because I ran out of Jumbo Fudge Sticks, note to self, buy more than one box next time). Although that EA Active on Wii is really giving me a good workout, but if I ever see the trainer on there out in public I am going to kick her pixelated butt.
For eight years, a big part of my job had been thinking about a contingency plan for everything. So, when I was told going into chemo that my tastes could change (and they did) and that I may not like some of my favorite foods, and I may start to crave others, I prepared by having a two week supply of just about every type of food. The nurse told us that it was important to eat healthy, but it was more important to just eat. Luckily my plan worked, and although some stuff seemed absolutely disgusting while I was on chemo (I have completely lost interest in pasta, unfortunately) I found enough stuff that I bought in preparation for chemo that I did like. And my two week supply of food was gone in about four days....OK, I am exaggerating, it probably lasted me a week. The problem is, my activity level has been severely limited the past four months due to surgery recovery and the constant reinjuring of my surgery. So, increased intake of food and lowered activity level equals a plumper Tommy. Luckily, I was such a fine physical specimen before this all happened, I just went from husky to pudgy. All my clothes still fit and everything, just not as loose as in the past (and I did notice many of my Christmas gift shirts were 2XL instead my normal XL...I guess my family was sending me a hint).
But was has been bothering me is that I know I have gained weight, and I know I need to lose weight, but people keeping telling me it's no big deal. They will say something like that it's OK to gain weight with what I have been through and things to that effect, but I know I have gained weight and I know I need to get back in shape! I was kinda hoping to lose weight from all this crap and instead I am the only chemo patient ever to come through it fatter! I brought the subject up to my cancer group wondering if I was the only one, and I guess since it was our first meeting after the holidays, there were still a lot of sore spots, because everyone seemed to instantly agree with me. As cancer patients, we all know what we have been through, and we are all limited in some ways, and we all don't mind too much if someone is being protective, but we all seem to be a little annoyed by coddling. In other words, I don't mind being told to take it easy when I am doing physical activity, especially if it involves something heavy, but I do mind being told it is OK for me to be that something heavy. I don't know, maybe I am just getting a little fed up with being a cooped up cancer patient, that in my mind should have recovered a long time ago. This isn't the way I planned it.
So, I have eased myself back into Wiiing, and bought the newest EA Active. And unfortunately that nice cartoon lady on there doesn't coddle me at all. That snotty sack of pixels keeps yelling at me to keep up, when the only reason I am lagging behind is because I can't understand how to get the Wiimote to read my movements the way she wants me to, maybe if you made the directions a little clearer I could move the way you want me to and you could see that I am sweating my butt off over here flapping my arms and kicking my legs like an electrocuted chicken trying to get you to register my movements on the screen on my "kick backs"...sorry for that rant, it was just a very frustrating workout today.
I went to my no nonsense, honest doctor yesterday, who has told me that I should lose some weight for the past few visits, and I told my group, that if he said it was OK to be at my weight right now, I would be very ticked. Luckily (?) he told me I should lose weight in whatever way I could. He even mentioned something called a diet. I will exercise in my sleep before I give up the products from the fine folks at Keebler! Which by the way have you seen the new JUMBO Fudge Sticks that just came out? I wonder if I have any left, hold on...NOOOO, I ate it earlier today! WHY!?!? WHY!?!?!? WHY don't they put more than six in a box? That barely lasted the trip back from the grocery store. Anyway, my doctor and I discussed plans to lose the extra pounds while hopefully not hurting myself again.
With that said, I am in full swing with my new exercise program. I have only been on it a few days and already lost three pounds (possibly just because I ran out of Jumbo Fudge Sticks, note to self, buy more than one box next time). Although that EA Active on Wii is really giving me a good workout, but if I ever see the trainer on there out in public I am going to kick her pixelated butt.
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