Testicular Cancer Top 10....or I Am Not A Doctor, But You Are Still Going To Tell Me About Your Nuts...

In the breast cancer community, there are a lot of sources for finding information on how to do self exams, what treatment options are, and how to cope afterwards.  And while there are certainly many sources of information and non profits for so called "men's cancers", we aren't as open about discussing them.  It is ironic that the same ones that like to boast about being so well endowed that they make donkeys jealous are the same ones afraid to ask anyone how to do an exam.  I am not real sure what the reason for the disparity between the sexes is.  Maybe it's because breasts are right up front where you can see them and testicles are hidden, except in European bathing suits.  Or maybe how the great masters would always view breasts as these perfectly formed pieces of art that they would spend days sculpting into marble, while at the same time, the artists would make a guys junk look like a wadded up piece of paper with some concrete slapped on it.  At any rate, the public perception about the two are not the same.
After I went through my fight, and if you have read any of my posts you know that I have no shame in discussing what one experiences with testicular cancer, I cannot tell you how many times friends, colleagues, and random strangers have pulled me aside and asked, "How did you  know?"  I certainly don't mind answering that question.  I can explain how I found mine and then I usually refer to a website like http://www.testicularcancersociety.org/testicular-self-exam.html to get a more clinical and better explained way to do exams.  Then the feeling of dread comes over me, because I have been through this enough to know what is coming next.  The person will then describe, in great wrinkly and hairy detail, why they are asking me that question.  So far, they have always stopped short of actually showing me, and I would like to keep it that way.  Let's face it, they are not a very attractive piece of anatomy.  One of the few good things about having a nutectomy (orchiectomy, if you want to get technical), is there is one less of those ugly things that you have to look at in the shower, and bump into random stuff with...oh, and you can do your self exams in half the time.
So in the spirit of changing the stigma of testicular cancer and breaking the silence, I will post before and after pictures of my...OK, not really, but I will answer some of the questions here, that I normally get asked in a hushed voice in the corner of a crowded room, or outside around the corner out of ear shot of the smokers, or in late night phone calls with heavy breathing...OK, that person never actually says what they want, but always hangs up after I tell them to do a self exam.

1. How to do a self exam?  There are several sources for how to do a self exam including the one from the Testicular Cancer Society I mentioned above.  Some places even offer shower cards just like some breast cancer foundations do. There are two things to remember.  First do exams consistently.  You will notice something changing down there long before anyone else will.  I don't care how often you go to the doctor or what odd pastimes you may have, you will still notice first if you do regular exams.  And the earlier you catch it, the less it spreads to other parts of your body.  Second, we all know about shrinkage, so the boys have to be warm to get a good exam.  That is why it is generally suggested during a bath or shower, rather than right after taking the Polar Bear Plunge.  After all, you want things loose to feel details, cancer starts small and grows, you don't want things cold and shriveled like trying to feel two acorns stuffed in a leather wallet.

2. What if I find something?  It's probably nothing, but do you want to take that chance with your life?  Go to a doctor to be sure.  You would be amazed of the things that hang out with two nuts such as hydroceles, spermatoceles, cysts, drummers (sorry, musician joke), most of which don't hurt anything.  In my case, harmless hydroceles were found, but the issue is they can mask cancer, so I was taught to do an illumination test, where basically shining a flashlight behind the boys GENERALLY causes the harmless stuff to glow and the bad things to be dark.  However, let your doctor determine that for you.  That is not always the case and if done wrong, you can have cancer growing for months without realizing it.

3. If it is cancer, will they take my ball(s)?  Most likely yes.  That is why you want to catch it early so you only lose one.  But ultimately, what is the big deal?  I assure you that in the almost four years since "rightie" was removed, no one has noticed.  I get just as many compliments down there as I always have.

4. Will my testosterone levels drop with only one nut?  Maybe, but probably only slightly.  My doctor put it to me this way, if you lose one lung or donate a kidney it doesn't mean you are running on half power.  Usually both don't work at full power anyway, so the remaining one just works a little harder than before.  My testosterone numbers are well into the normal range.

5. Will my sperm count drop?  See above.  The fun part is with testosterone testing you give a blood sample,  but with sperm count testing there is no needle but there are dirty magazines.  Even if you drop in half, you will still more than likely have enough to get the job done or get you in trouble, however you view that situation.  Just a word of caution, I don't think the girl downtown offering to check your sperm levels for $5 dollars has had any medical training whatsoever.

6. Will I be able to have kids?  God I hope so, because I had one, so if you can't then someone has some explaining to do!  Yes, either the natural way or with frozen guys.

7. What is the first thing I should do after being diagnosed?  Ask all of your hot female friends if they want to say "goodbye".  OK, obviously that is a joke and probably wouldn't even work.  But I would call an organization like livestrong.org especially if you are interested in having kids.  They can tell you about certain grants that will pay for collection and storage of frozen guys, but the catch on some of them is you have to apply BEFORE you go to get the collection done.

8. Can the cancer come back?  Yes it could, but that is why you talk to an oncologist to see what your options are.  I opted for chemo for the peace of mind of not having to worry as much about it returning.  A few weeks of feeling sick was more attractive to me than a lifetime of worry.

9. Do they just slice open the bag and take out the groceries?  No!  They go in from around your waist so they can take all of the plumbing too, just in case it has started spreading.  So you can show people your scar without being obscene...unless you want to.

10.  Do you miss it or have any phantom pain like an amputee would?  No, and the good thing is, say hypothetically, you have a two and a half year old that runs at you full speed with a plastic Mike the Knight sword, the chances that he will hit your tender spot have now been cut in half (although he still manages to get me on the tender side EVERY SINGLE TIME!  I am throwing that damn sword in the trash!).

So there you have it.  The top ten (legitimate) questions I get asked in whispers and darkened corners.  If you have anymore (legitimate) questions I will answer them like I did here, based on my own experiences or direct you to a trusted source.  I am in no way a doctor, and I in no way want to see pictures, diagrams, or even very accurate descriptions.

Childhood Cancer

Today I did something I hope I never do again in my lifetime.  I went to a visitation for a child lost in a tragic accident.  One of the parents is a longtime friend of mine, and we went to show our support for the family.  I say that, but at the same time I don't feel like I was much support at all.  I was dreading every part of it (other than being there for the family).  I guess it was something I would rather not think about, that children can pass.  I couldn't even bring myself to look at the casket.  I can tell you exactly how many times I did look over there, three.  The first time from a distance, and that was almost more than I could handle, and I was done looking at that point.  I felt my breathing change and my pulse racing.  The rest of the way up to my friend I watched the video monitors, looked at the flowers anywhere but that child lying there, but when I got close, I thought it was obvious I was trying to avoid looking, so I glanced twice more.  The last time I came close to losing it.  I hugged my friend and whispered a couple of things that may or may not be heard, but to be honest I didn't know what to say.  I was speechless.  Nothing I could say would make that situation any better.  I was so out of it, I forgot to introduce my wife.  On the drive home, for the first hour, I think I only spoke about ten words to my wife.

What does any of this have to do with childhood cancer?  The events the past week, this child's death, people I know getting horrible diagnoses/prognoses, everything, has really been weighing on me.  Today was the result of an accident.  As long as kids are allowed to be kids, there will be accidents, most minor, but unfortunately some will end very tragically.  Unless kids are never allowed to do anything and put in a bubble all day, they will find ways to get hurt.  As I drove home in silence, I just thought about childhood cancer and I wondered, how many parents are going through this exact same scenario every single day because of cancer?  Four, just in the U.S.  (According to the National Cancer Institute).  That is four kids dying everyday of cancer, just in this country!  This isn't an accident or some random thing.  We know that four families will have to experience what my friend experienced today, and four more will tomorrow, and four more the day after that.  160,000 kids worldwide will get cancer this year, 10,400 in this country alone.  I find this appalling!

I went from leaving the funeral home today, feeling like I wasn't able to help a good friend, to getting mad thinking that there are many other people out there that are going to lose a child to cancer and we know it going to happen to the tune of four a day!!!   I don't know what I am going to do about it.  I don't know what I can do about it.  I just know it is absolutely shocking that we know four children died today of cancer, and four more will die tomorrow, and so on, and we continue to allow it to go on.

Those of us (adults) that are/were living with cancer, we have ways of coping.  We get upset.  We get mad at the disease.  We get depressed.  We may go into our shell.  We may be short with our families and loved ones.  We go through the myriad of emotions as we learn our diagnosis, our prognosis, go through tests, go through treatment, get sick from chemo, go through more tests, live in fear of recurrence, etc. all because we know that this is not "normal" life.  To a kid going through a cancer battle, they don't know any better.  As far as they know, that is how life is supposed to be, and I think that is what saddens me most of all.

What am I going to do now?  Well, since an accident is just that, an accident, I know I cannot go around the world predicting how the next child is going to get seriously hurt and be there to prevent it.  However, I do know that worldwide 438 kids are going to be diagnosed with cancer tomorrow.  I don't know what I am going to do about it, but I know I am going to start looking to see what there is that I can do about it.  I stood in front of a good friend today, on the verge of tears, as I fell speechless and helpless, and there was nothing I could do, I can't even begin to fathom what a parent goes through.  I don't want to stand in front of someone else, see their child lying there and say "I knew four children were going to die of cancer today, but I didn't bother doing anything about it."  Although I don't know what I can do about it...yet, I can guarantee I am going to start looking to see how I can help support childhood cancer causes.

Twit Happens

One thing that is nice about the "new media" is the ability to get together with people from all over the world that you have no idea who they are.  However, as a cancer patient (trying to make the transition to calling myself a cancer survivor), there has been one surprising fact about this new media.  Cancer patients seem to be able to find each other on-line, befriend each other, and actually talk to one another and offer support!  That seems to be especially true on Twitter.

As I had mentioned before, very early into my ordeal @noboobsaboutit and I connected and she was a constant source of inspiration, support, and information.  Shortly after that @pharmacistmike offered support with his @TCSociety  Since then, many other people have offered their support on-line.  I may put a little note how I am not having the best day, and inexplicably I will get someone sending me a note to hang in there, or relating how they made it through the same thing.  Granted, Twitter does have it share of celebrities trying to say something outrageous just to get in the public eye for another fifteen minutes, and it is impressive how some can manage to tick off so many people in only 140 characters!  And there are the comedians that try to say something ridiculous in their bio to show you what you can expect on an hourly basis.  And there is the obsessive tweeters who let you know what size coffee they bought that morning.  But I would rather hear from my fellow cancer warriors any day.  It is surprising the number of very busy people that take the time to send a private message or tweet back.  I have even seen Lance Armstrong send several notes of support (but never to me, c'mon Lance, send some love, my doc knows your doc...)  Even if it is a day where you don't need the encouragement, seeing that someone else that has gone through it is thinking about you, puts a smile on your face.

So, I offer this friendly advice to anyone that is going through their own cancer battle.  Create a Twitter account.  Follow the American Cancer Society, Livestrong, or in my case the Testicular Cancer Society or any of the others, and you will be surprised how much support finds you!  That is just some friendly advice from @the1nutwonder  I would write more, but I am probably coming close to my 140 characters.

Go Grow a "Mo" Fo' To(m)

Yes it's almost MOVEMBER!!!  If you aren't familiar with Movember, then you are not alone.  Movember started a few years ago in Australia when a few guys decided to grow mustaches to raise awareness of "men's cancers".  Over the years it has grown from country to country.  The idea is simple, men (or hairy women) start November 1st clean-shaven.  Then, throughout the month of November, you let your mustache, or MO, grow in all of its glory.  No beards.  No goatees.  Only the MO.  The more hideous the Mo the better.  The idea is for people to ask what that horrible looking thing on your face is which gives you an opportunity to tell them it is to raise awareness of prostate and testicular cancers.  So, the worse it looks the more likely it is that someone will ask you about it.

Now there are some doubts around my house on whether I plan on going through with it or not.  I have only attempted facial hair once in my life.  Right after my GI surgery, after not shaving for the few days I was in the hospital, I decided to leave the goatee area.  I only had a few days worth of growth and met a friend for lunch.  As soon as she got in the car, she took one look at me and just said "No, get rid of it".  This wasn't a girlfriend or anything like that, just a close female friend, which are more likely to give an honest answer when you are making a total fool out of yourself (or in my case starting to follow a horrible 90's trend that just doesn't seem to die).  Part of the reason I have never attempted any facial hair is my whiskers come in really thick everywhere except the mustache area, and not wanting to look Amish, I never attempted to do anything (except the one time).  With patchy lip whiskers, my Mo will certainly be a conversation piece.

There are two caveats to my Mo.  The first, I am still on a job search.  If I get a job interview during the month of Movember, I will probably shave it off for that, and restart after the interview.  After all, I believe I read somewhere that it is best NOT to talk about testicles in your job interview, regardless of the intent behind said testicle conversation.  I guess unless it's a interview at a urologist's office, then by all means testicle away!  Or a Rocky Mountain oyster bar.  Or a vet's office.  Or a marriage counselor.  But anyway, reason number two, IF I lose my hair from chemo, it should happen in the next week or two.  So, my Mo might jettison itself off of my face and that I obviously have no control over (which makes way for the joke "Are you on chemo or are you just so ugly your Mo ran away?").  I haven't quite decided which Mo I am going for.  Please feel free to weigh in on which Mo, you think best fits me.  The only ones I have ruled out completely are the Hitler and the John Waters.  There is a Mo guide in the "Lodge" on the Movember site if you are not up on your Mo style.

Now what can you do to support Movember?  The cheapest and easiest is to grow your own Mo!  If you remember my journey, I am the one that noticed the lump first, not a doctor.  Just as with breast cancer, it is important to do self exams (for testicular cancer, leave the prostate exams to the professionals and ask for credentials first, don't get cheap and let any old person that offers give you a prostate exam).  Just talking about "men cancers" is getting awareness out there.  I am certainly not here begging for donations (unless you want to buy me an American made Paul Reed Smith with twenty four frets and double cutaway) but if you would like to support Movember, and thereby support the Livestrong Foundation and all that they support (including the Wellness Community), as well as support prostate cancer research, you can go to the Movember website and search me (I am currently the only Tom Peterson registered).  If there happens to be more than one of me, I am on team Juan Bahl (not my joke, but a funny one).  We are headed up by the founder of the Testicular Cancer Society.  Feel free to join our team if you are growing your own Mo, or if you are so inclined to donate, you can do so there as well (that is donations for cancer research, not to my PRS fund).  My MoSpace page is here if you want the shortcut.

There are also parties and events planned around the world throughout the month of Movember.  Unfortunately, it looks as if I will be out of town for our team's party, HOWEVER there is an event that I may be able to attend while I am out of town.  IF, and that is a big IF, I can find the will to train over the next month, there is a bicycle event out of town that I would like to attend.  What is it called?  The "Mustache Ride" of course!  I am not making any of this up.  I don't know how close I am to jumping on a bicycle seat again after being sliced and diced down there a few weeks ago.  But it is something I would really like to do, and we are going to have our bikes with us anyway.  Although I was planning on taking my old Giant brand mountain bike named after a place in Montana that I managed to erase the last letter on.  Yes, I am in possession of the one and only Giant Butt.  These are the things I do in my shop when I am bored and have access to paint thinner (no I wasn't sniffing it, I was using it to take the "E" off of "Butte").  However, if I am doing this ride, I will also take my road bike.  It is full of racing parts, not that I ever plan on racing it, but those parts give you the advantage that the slightest bit of effort can make you roll forever.  I farted on it once and coasted for three miles.

I will close this blog by listing the links to the things I have talked about in this blog.  If you want to grow your own Mo, you can link to Team Juan Bahl and join the team from my MoSpace page.  But feel free to grow a Mo without joining a team.  And there is no Mo obligation.  As I said the main point of Movember is to get people talking.  Thank you and send me those Mo suggestions (and yes I will be posting Mo photos).
C'mon grown one and show you've got a pair, for all of us that don't!!

My MoSpace:  http://us.movember.com/mospace/544608/
Movember Foundation:  http://us.movember.com/?home
Testicular Cancer Society:  http://www.testicularcancersociety.org/